Thursday, November 12, 2009
Without You: The lay of the landscape for a temporarily motherless daughter and her well-intentioned daddy.
At the airport, we didn't take the bus heading home. Not right away. I needed a cell phone, and a cheap prepaid one at that. So, we were off to Yongsan, electronics mecca to which an occasional pilgrimage seems mandatory for the average foreigner. The subway store plaza isn't only electronics, having floors of expensive furniture, cheap clothing and other stuff, and not even the only game in the Yongsan area, but, by and large, Yongsan is electronics. Natalie likes to ride the escalators there, as everywhere, and look down upon the sparkly floor of the third level as we get higher and higher above it. There's a safety net up high that stretches across the open expanse between the escalators and always draws her attention, especially if anything has dropped onto it. She never fails to ask what that net is for, and I always explain that it's a safety feature, but the looking out over the railings sure does hold its manifold fascinations for both of us.Actually, though Natalie adds immeasurably to any and all outings I take with her, and I can't imagine how I came to Korea 8 years ago and survived an engagement as a single here, there are times more uneasy for me than not when she is with me. Wrangling with a vendor in Yongsan for the time it takes to get a bargain is definitely one of those times. As everywhere in Korea, here on this day, as I sweated the details of buying a used phone, sampling many and liking few, she made this one of her moments of friendliness and curiosity, wandering behind the counter as freely as you please, picking up phones she liked, calling me on them--more loudly as I tried to concentrate on what I was doing--, bringing them to me with a decisive 'daddy, buy this one!'. And she made no bones about the fact that she had decided what I needed. And it was a good-looking one--which satisfies the one of her two criteria for purchase, the other being that she be the one to decide. In retrospect, had I taken that one, I might not have ended up having a mechanical problem and having to wait for a replacement to be delivered three days later. Well, at least she seems to know what she wants.
That's why I have to look so diligently toward her needs. Being her dad has constituted my own ongoing revelation about what to need and what not to want. She so eerily represents my own imaginings when it comes to expressing her wants that I more often than not shrink back into the litany of her needs--and my family's and my own--that has accompanied me since she was born.
From Yongsan, we took the subway back to Jukjeon station, our home area. This was about 5:00 pm. It was the near-end of a long day for Natalie. And, since we actually did get her up much earlier than she expected we would Sunday morning, she was very tired, to the point where she actually admitted she was, and it takes a lot for her to say that. Even so, we had to visit the grocery department of E-mart, a Walmart subsidiary, right there near the station. Natalie got into the cart and sat down, then lay down, promptly falling asleep as I wheeled around the store. Even in that state, she was the object of doting smiles and quiet attention from many we passed. When it was time to leave, I hated to pick her up, but she stayed asleep on my shoulder as I carried her home with one arm, reviving just before we reached the door of our apartment. At home, she slept for 2 more hours.
Monday, November 9, was her first day with the sitter we'd been able to get. The teacher in the classroom adjacent to mine had called some daycares, but they wouldn't accept Natalie because I only needed a month with them. Finally, I ran into a mother with an 18-month-old on the fourth floor, we being on the second, of our small building who said she would do the watching noon to 5:45 for the 22 weekdays we'd need it while I was at work two minutes' walk away. I counted it a blessing, since I'm never easy putting Natalie with anyone not immediate family, that, having no real choice this time, she would stay close. And the apartment she'd be in was relatively clean, with space to play, much more than we have. The sitter--and is--mild-mannered and quite friendly and caring, as I expect any mother watching my child to be. We had been up there for a trial half-hour during the week before Janeen left, and everything seemed to go well. Still, things didn't really show themselves until the sitting got underway for real on Monday.
That day went by without incident, except for my separation anxiety as I ran through my classes. I had a break and visited Natalie for about 30 minutes in late afternoon, and she and the baby seemed to get along, or at least have had a separate peace established, a mutually friendly new acquaintance.
| posted by John at 6:45 AM
